Nursing Home...

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. 
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. 'STOP!' he shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?' 
 Ethel fished around in her  handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?'
 Ethel dug into her handbag,  pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.'
As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his 'You-Know-What' in his hand.
'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that Damn Breathalyser Test again!'

It’s a Fact

• There are over 58 million dogs in the US.

• More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.

• Humans blink over 10,000,000 times a year.